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“My parents were tasked with the job of survival
and I with self-actualization.
The immigrant generational gap is real.
What a luxury it is to search for purpose, meaning, and fulfillment.” -Bo Ren

Have you ever felt, in all senses of your identity, not enough? Not Filipino enough. Not American enough. Not white enough. Not brown enough. Not Asian enough. But also not quite Pacific Islander. Too dark. Too fat. Too skinny. “I don’t speak Tagalog, but I understand.” Spoiled American. Too ungrateful. Basstos (indecent). Walang hiya (shameless). “Are you a nurse? No?” Oh, definitely not Filipino enough. It is an unsettling feeling that may be familiar to many second generation Filipino Americans — a feeling only exacerbated by our individual and familial circumstances.

Pregnant and alone, my mother came to the United States in 1987. She gave birth to my kuya (older brother) and, shortly after, met my father. They married in 1991 and had me the following summer. My mom being a realtor, we moved frequently. For me, this meant a new school every few years, and being teased by a new group of mean kids. My parents divorced when I was 7 years old and if I didn’t already feel lost and removed from most of my family, I definitely did then. When my mom needed her family the most, the only ones around were my kuya and I — spoiled American kids that didn’t understand hardship. We definitely were not enough for her at that time.

My mother filled that void of loss and loneliness with countless stories of my tatang’s (grandfather’s) selflessness. Probably the most memorable being that he not only raised his own 8 children, but also made space in his heart and home to adopt 10 more. Throughout my life I had been inspired by my tatang to be generous and compassionate. This led me to find a career in healthcare. But that road was filled with higher education classes surrounded by white peers and professors, and an overwhelming feeling of imposter syndrome. “No one looks like me. Should I be here? Am I enough for this profession? For these patients?”

I could go on and on about this feeling that has reared its ugly head in almost every aspect of my life. Where I am getting at is that nothing has ever fully resonated with me enough to break me out of this cycle of insecurity until I found climbing. Climbing brought me to a place where I could fall in love with myself — my body, and my disjointed sense of self. My struggles and self-perceived weaknesses  somehow became strengths in my climbing.

No longer am I navigating complicated family situations, but rather a boulder problem or lead route. I am able to figure out my own beta, my own way regardless of expectations.  My short stature forces me to be flexible, creative, face my fears, and make the leap (or dyno). My thick skin from facing bullies in grade school helps me pull on those sharp crimps, as well as confront other climbers (mostly white men) for their beta spraying and unnecessary remarks. The melanin in my brown skin protects me from the sun on those outdoor climbs. It is my armor that I wear proudly.

In November 2018, I traveled to the Philippines with my partner to celebrate my tatang’s 100th birthday. We, of course, planned a climbing trip and decided on Cebu. In the weeks approaching, we connected with local climbers and I was excited to learn that our trip coincided with the first few days of a week-long climbing festival, Lust for Lime XIV. 

I had my sights set on Vina Kulafu, a 100ft 5.11a /6b+ located on this gorgeous vertical strip of  white and orange limestone in the middle of the jungle. After working through a boulder start up to the first clip, I started to feel the fear and hear the doubts resounding in my head. A fall before the second clip could mean a ground fall. I still had 90ft+ of climbing to do and I had no idea what the moves were. The pump from climbing all day was quickly creeping in. OKAY CHRISTINE. Tama na (enough). Breathe. Focus. Fight through the pain. Block out the noise (screaming chickens). Ignore the fact that this rope smells like feet. And MOVE.

If I’m being honest, I don’t remember most of this climb. I can visualize a few things — tiny pockets, holds that looked like shark teeth, glossy footholds — that’s about it. I realized this was the first time I truly experienced flow when climbing —  “a cognitive state where one is completely immersed in an activity [that] involves intense focus, creative engagement, and the loss of awareness of the self.” It was almost spiritual, and sometimes I could swear that my ancestors carried me up there. (I’ve been watching too much Avatar). In those moments spent on that route, I, in all that I am, was enough.

For some, climbing may be “just climbing.” But for others, such as myself, it is much more than that. We carry a lot of baggage up with us. Our ascent is filled with enduring centuries of intergenerational trauma, unlearning internalized oppression, fighting unrealistic familial and societal ideals, and decolonizing our bodies and minds. We carry all of this and try to clear our minds just enough to be able to find that glorious micro chip to carefully place our toe on, step up, and reach the next hold. We continue moving up, despite all of these forces and systems trying to pull us down.

To my fellow second generation Filipino/Asian Americans or those with immigrant parents… We may feel that we will never be able to give back to our parents what they provided us.. That we may never be able to fulfill their far-fetched expectations as we face new types of obstacles today in this country.

But we don’t need to do everything and be everything. We are all doing our best. We are enough.

-Christine Antonio

The official Brown Girls Climb Holiday Gift Guide featuring our favorite products for the outdoors designed by Black, Indigenous, and People of Color!

#SHOPBIPOC

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#1 Brown Girls Climb Cropped Sweater

#2 Vegan Smart Chocolate Fudge All-in-One Nutritional Shake

#3 Asian Bouldering Crew Sticker

#4 NTVS Wrapping Paper

#5 Sherpa Adventure Gear Yangzum Water Resistant Insulated Jacket

#6 Play Pits Happy Natural Kids Deodorant

#7 Copper Cow Coffee The Classic 5 Pack

#8 Buttermilks Guacacado Climbing Balm

#9 She Fly Bold Pee Hiking Pant

#10 Dynamite Starfish Tender Sender Unisex 3/4 Sleeve Tee

#11 Urban Native Era Native Land Socks

#12 Beast Fingers Climbing Grippul XL

#13 Body Love by Tal Hair Serum

#14 Seirus SoundTouch™ GORE-TEX Infinium™ All Weather™ Glove

#15 Jitterbug Art by Latasha Dunston Outdoors for All Enamel Pin

Some companies of color to look out for in the future!

• Backcountry Wok
• Movita Organics
• Bruita Skin Care
• Blended Girl Cosmetics
• The Barking Muse

ALTERNATIVES TO SPENDING

1. Visit your local cultural center and learn about communities that helped preserve and shape the area you live in today!
2. Diversify your playlists by downloading some great music by womxn and nonbinary artists of color. Check out BGC national leader Laura Edmondson’s rad playlists here.
3. Take a hike with friends and family to a local park and learn about the local ecosystems in the area.
4. Make your own facial mask and get in some self care with your loved ones!
5. Become a better ally! Volunteer and get trained at a local adaptive climbing event to help facilitate climbing for others.

OPPORTUNITIES TO DONATE!

• Brown Girls Climbing Van Fundraiser – Brown Girls Climb mentors and teaches BIPOC youth confidence, climbing, and self-advocacy through experiential learning. Help the team secure a passenger van and equipment like harnesses and tents, for the Brown Girls Climbing Program in Oakland, California today! Goal: $30,000
• Women are Scared Documentary – More than 75% of native women will experience some form of sexual assault, trauma, or worse. Help raise awareness about this reality by helping fund this documentary about Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women in the U.S.
• KM82 Documentary – This documentary will share the stories and voices of the porters in Peru. Support the ethical and humane treatment of the porters on Peru’s Inca Trail by contributing this season. Goal: $15,980

Last month, Brown Girls Climb traveled to the south to attend the Color the Crag Climbing Festival. The festival brought together over 300 Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) from around the world to climb together! The festival also provided an opportunity for all the BGC leaders to meet one another and reconnect.

Before the party got started, we found some time to connect and climb together and appreciate the land of the Creek, Cherokee, and Chickasaw (specifically what is now known as Horse Pens 40). Our national leaders Jael Berger, Laura Edmondson, Brittany Leavitt, and Bethany Lebewitz, put on our best lip and some of our favorite Mountain Hardwear gear, to get a few burns in before the festival. We left the south feeling reinvigorated from the weekend.

The picture of climbing for many of us brings up a pretty standard image – it’s plaid, technical cargo pants, greys, browns, guitars, and a lot of coffee and beer. Our climbing though can completely different – it’s lipstick and Selena; it’s outrageous laughing, dancing,mangoes, political outrage, and a whole lot of color.

If you are a woman or femme of color, chances are you’ve been told “We don’t do that”, “That’s dangerous!”, “That’s not what WE do”, or you hear, “You don’t wear that to the crag”, “Those aren’t the right shoes for that climb”, “Real climbers do ____”. We get a whole lot of that. 

Well, our response is pretty simple: “Oh yeah? Watch us!” Our communities are creating the culture of climbing we want to see, hear, touch, and taste. We’re taking those doubts we hold or are told to us and transforming them to create a stronger community of climbers that encourages one another, shares our experiences with each other, re-imagines what sustainability and outdoor conservation looks like for us, and celebrates the best part of what makes our cultures unique.

Our climbing is a shared experience and our style is a fluid expression of who we are and how we move. We are defining the culture of climbing and are unapologetic about climbing outside the boundaries of what’s expected from us. So watch us climb, redefine, create, and uplift. We’ll climb with a puffy and a pair of hoops because we can.

Special thanks to Mountain Hardwear for providing the gear to make our pre-Color the Crag celebration that much more colorful, and to our hermanita Janelle Paciencia for capturing our experience together and holding down karaoke during the festival.

#1 Know the values of the company and event

As a company that encourages People of Color (POC), particularly self-identified Women of Color (WOC), we like to partner with those that reflect similar values to BGC. Arctery’x reached out to attend and cover the event via social media and this is what we’ve learned:

• They value and promote diversity: 

The Squamish Nation Skwxwú7mesh Úxwumixw opened up the event on Thursday night with songs and dances that appreciate the  land, sea, and all of its inhabitants. Thank you to Alice Guss and her daughter Dominique Nahanee. In one of the stories, it was mentioned how we have one hand to give and one hand to receive which to me was a reminder that the land will always provide so long as we care and respect it and every living being first. It was also mentioned that we have one leg to kick and one leg to get kicked, which we interpreted to always stay grounded and close to your roots.

• They find worth in proper education and making it accessible:

Typically for any sport, many people start out with experienced friends or at a gym, which can be intimidating. Some gyms offer clinics and the bare basics but maybe you’ve already passed the gym to crag stage, and are ready for more advanced skills, techniques, and training. And even if you’ve never climbed outside before, the Academy has courses for every skill level at a fraction of the cost. When hiring a guide, the cost varies depending on the amount of attendees but the academy has a flat price based on the clinic (think $450 vs $200)

#2 Do You Boo

• When you’re constantly on the go, it can be difficult to remember to eat and sleep! GIRL, these are essential to survival! We made sure top stock up on food, snacks, and any time we walked out the door, we made sure to grab fuel for the body!

• It is also common to stay out late and party during these awesome social events, but if you need sleep, it’s totally fine to go to bed early. Folks may pressure you into sticking around after your bedtime, but having a friend to help you sleep always prepares you for a better day of climbing. 

• If you need a rest day, take a rest day. You’ll come back stronger the next day. Take some time to yourself to sit in the hot tub (if you’re in a hotel that has one), read a book, take a hike to the top of The Chief. Whatever it is, listen to your body because it knows what it needs. Also, NAPS.

#3 Community is Key

• Find time to be with your crew, A lot of these festivals, with the exception of Color the Crag, are overwhelmingly white. You can sometimes feel out of place and “the only one”. We did a call out to our communities to see who would be in the area. Leaning on each other is the best thing we can do at these events. Organizing the People of Color meetup with the Belay All was amazing because we not only met local climbers of color, we were able to lean into each other during the event for support.

• If you are going at it solo, as a first timer, these events can be nerve wracking. Our advice to you is to remind yourself that everyone starts somewhere and that you do belong. People are here to learn and to grow. If you don’t feel comfortable, reach out to BGC community, to Flash Foxy community, BOC, and sooooo many more orgs to connect with new people that are going to the event already! Maybe meet up for a day of climbing or for food and drinks. Remember that you’re never alone in any of these events and that we’re here!

Authors: Monserrat Alvarez & Ariel Sam Cervaria

When I think about history, I think about impact. In climbing, impact has been traditionally measured by first ascents and record speeds. Names like John Gill and Lynn Hill always come up. These climbers have made significant impact and provided significant contributions to climbing but so have many many more that continue to go unrecognized. Those whose stories seemed to have been lost in our skewed history of the greats. What is not always examined are the names of individuals like Chelsea Griffie, Emily Taylor, and Miho Aida, who have inspired so many people to enter the sport, through their personal relationship with climbing and advocacy work. Their impact has reached far beyond the measurable.. The history of climbing is more than a record of a bunch of guys bagging peaks. Our history goes back ages. Contributions of people of color in the outdoors tends to get ignored or overlooked in popular media and this disproportionate coverage, fails to document the lives, stories, and accomplishments of some of the most influential athletes and advocates among us. Thanks to authors and influencers like James Mills and the the folks from Melanin Base Camp, the history of people of color in climbing and many other activities are now being celebrated by individuals and communities around the nation.

Brown Girls Climb’s mission includes elevating the voices and experiences of self-identified women of color in rock climbing. In order to do this though, we must look back at the women who have come before us. The women who, in spite of being ‘the only’, continued to climb on. 

Last summer, Brown Girls Climb partnered with REI and The Brown Ascenders to celebrate three unique voices of Yosemite valley that have significantly influenced climbing participation, recreation, and advocacy today.

-Chelsea Griffie-

We we were so excited to open our series with the Munoz sisters who shared a land acknowledgement recognizing the local tribes in the area. We kicked off the event with climbing legend, Chelsea Griffie. As a woman of color in the outdoors meeting Chelsea, is like meeting another person who likes the X-files. You automatically bond by the fact that you’re both sci fi nerds and even though you don’t know the other person, you know you’d get along. Admiration develops.

Chelsea is known her for being the first documented African American woman to summit El Capitan in 2001. She’s inviting and casual. She’s the type of climbing partner everyone wants. Relaxed, funny, and psyched on life. We were thrilled to have her open our series. Alongside our friends, we celebrated her achievements, heard more about her experience as a woman of color climber, and also learned a little know fact about her! Our good friend Diego Gamez also joined us by capturing the night, adding just a few more photos into the history log!

We ended our night with amazing raffle prizes by Patagonia, American Alpine Club, Organic Climbing and Evolv. Chelsea chose to donate the funds to Balanced Rock, an organization which provides the only women of color backpacking trip in the country.

-Emily Taylor-

In August, we welcomed Emily Taylor as our second speaker of the three part series. As the owner and leader of Taylored Fit Solutions and Experiential Life, LLC, Emily Taylor provides personalized coaching, climbing training and individual training programs for climbing athletes throughout the United States. In 2003, she set out to be the first black woman summit and El Capitan and The Nose before her 30th birthday. Emily’s charisma for her work with youth athletes of color is infectious. She’s driven and passionate. She shared her experience and knowledge as a woman of color in the climbing community throughout the years and the barriers she’s faced along the way. Emily continues to pave the way for Black and Brown women in climbing through her coaching, mentorship, and entrepreneurship. Emily dedicated her raffle donations to her new program called Brown Girls Climbing, which develops and trains girls of color to successfully enter the competitive climbing world. Saki Cake, a photographer based out of the Bay area, provided dynamic shots of Emily and the rest of the night!

-Miho Aida-

In September, Miho Aida joined us for our last event of the 2018 Voices from the Valley series. Sháán Díín Cedar opened the event, speaking on behalf of Natives Outdoors. Miho, originally from Tokyo, Japan, is an environmental media artist, educator, and outdoor adventurer in California. She is recognized for her inspirational project called “If She Can Do It, You Can Too: Empowering Women Through Outdoor Role Models” which includes her first short film, “The Sacred Place Where Life Begins – Gwich’in Women Speak.” This project, like so much of Miho’s work, is dedicated to promoting the representation of diverse women pursuing outdoor adventures and who develop powerful social, environmental and human rights movements within the backdrop of nature. With this project, Miho hopes for all girls to have outdoor and environmental role models who look, sound and live like them so that they know what careers, adventures and leadership opportunities are possible.In her talk, Miho discussed these projects in addition to her journey to her love for climbing, which she deconstructed into three main categories: acceptance, resilience, and resistance. She encounters women who have acted as role models along her journey who she gives credit to for where she is today. Miho also talked about the importance of working with allies/accomplices who, generally, have resources that are essential to the success of our mission, and explored the idea of accessibility (or lack thereof) to participate in outdoor sports or visit these spaces for marginalized communities. Following her presentation, we shuffled the chairs into a circle to hold  an informal Q&A and group discussion. This was also a great opportunity for folks to sample some of the Red Bean Chilli prepared by Patagonia Provisions and buy raffle tickets. Raffle proceeds went to The Gwich’in Steering Committee. The event was photographed by Michael Estrada.

Voices from the Valley was an incredible night made possible by incredible people. It was a sliver of celebration for what should be parades of achievements by women of color who have been climbing all of their lives, the greats unknown and the ones who continue to climb. They have provided a small portal for entire generations to peek through and to see the past and future. This generation of women of color can now reach through that portal and see glimpses of their ancestors climbing and exploring. We’re gaining new perspective about how strong we really are as a community and where we want to go. I’m excited to see where the trail takes us.

Brown Girls Climb is excited to continue this series this year in Washington, D.C.! Want to join us? Check us out at the next event where we will be hearing from Kareemah Batts, Abby Dione, and Margarita Martinez!

Voices from the Valley REI Washington D.C.   201 M St NE Washington, DC 20002 6:30pm-8:30pm Event details & registration

Authors: Jael Berger & Bethany Lebewitz